Cure me, I'm gay!

I've just read a great piece of news from a fellow blogger that the American Psychological Association announced in Toronto yesterday that practitioners will no longer tell their clients that they can change their sexual orientation from gay to straight! A long time coming, but it's progress.

It reminded me of years gone by, about 15 to be exact, when I started to realize that I was gay. Now bear in mind the only gay person I knew was Julian Clary from Channel 4 fame (picture above) and I knew I was definitely not like him.

I had dial up internet and started to look for a cure, and you can just imagine how long it took to find that cure using dial up. While waiting on the pages loading up I was able to iron a t-shirt, make tea, go for a pee and sometimes even a poo! Some of the web pages I came across offered deprogramming, 'Yipee' I thought. I could be deprogrammed no need for a cure! I sent of emails, rang The States and even thought I could save up enough money to make the trip to be deprogrammed. At one point I even thought could I become a deprogrammer as these services were not being offered in Ireland at the time or at least Irish deprogrammers weren't offering their services on the net.

Needless to say, I was never deprogrammed. Coming out was a long and slow process but it taught me many life lessons which I cherish. I feel that many gays have similar stories and this is just a piece of antedotal evidence that shows sexual and family diversity should be taught by our schools, youth clubs, and peer development programmes.

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Pride, Prejudice, and just plain Bitchy!

I returned home this weekend to take part in Belfast Pride. It was the usual routine, headed into town, met my friends for food, then took to the streets to watch the parade take place. Once it's passed we tend to walk the rest as it loops back on itself. The parade was full of colour, music and costumes, and it also had the usual christian protesters outside City Hall.

My last few visits home I've noticed a distinct prejudice among some of the gays, shock, horror I hear you say. Gays. Prejudice. Absolutely! After the parade we went to Party in the Square, were you get the opportunity to see the drag acts perform, have a few drinks, browse the stalls, say "Hi" to old acquaintances, cringe at the one night stand from years gone by and have a burger or two, maybe that was the problem!

I get a real buzz bumping into people I haven't seen in years and catching up. It's great to hear that people have moved on, settled down and are generally a lot happier than we all were when we were all in our twenties. I suppose we're all just growing up and there is a new bunch of gays in town. HOWEVER and there's always an however when it comes to us gays, there are a few who always try to kill that buzz with bitchy comments only used to make you feel like shit!

Transcript of one such meeting

Fellow Gay Hey, how are you?

Me Grand, not too bad, what about yourself? Any news?

Fellow Gay Not much, working away as usual. No Just for Men in Dublin then?

Me What?

Fellow Gay Are they not selling Just for Men in Dublin?

Me Eh, Don't need it. Don't look my age as it is, bit of grey hair might do me some good on the job front.

Fellow Gay Oh, I'd have to get that covered up, wouldn't be seen outside the front door with my head looking like a badger. Any holidays planned this year? Where ya heading after the Square?

I haven't been able to convey the tone and manner in which this was said but believe me, it wasn't coming from a good place. Putting the grey hairs to one side the next assault was about to come.

Fellow Gay Well Michael, how's you? Jesus, you've put on a few pounds, not going to the gym?

My response was pretty much

"no I'm not but thanks for taking such an interest and making me feel great about myself"

"Cheeky fucker" I thought.

There were also a few other swipes about my hair and weight which I was able to brush off or retaliate. It's just as well I'm not over sensitive and that I am very comfortable in my own skin. I just thought why on earth do they have to be so bitchy. I'd give them a by ball if I had of done something on them in the past, but I haven't. I also worry about the effects they have on other gays who maybe do have an issue about their weight, looks, hair etc. A few friends of mine have had similar experiences

Maybe I'm just getting to old and the new way to great people is to insult them!

Happy Pride all you fat, skinny, grey haired readers of this blog. You are just way too old!

I still don't know who's worse, the protesters or the gays!

We need a Harvey Milk - Not a Panti Bar!

Gee bag, slut, whore! Just some of the words used by the "A gays" and the "regular" gays to respond to both of the Brenda Power articles in the Sunday Times. Well guys and gals I think we shot ourselves in the foot with those long thought out articulate responses!

Now let me set the record straight. I think Panti is a great drag artist and entertainer and I think that Brenda Power makes some valid points in her column.

I do disagree with Brenda's opinions regarding marriage, children, and the role of gay pride; I do recognise she has made a few sideways swipes at the LGBT community, however not once did she call us gee bags, sluts or whores, or some of the more regular insults we're used to, faggots, perverts, fudge-packers, dyke's, chicks with dicks; you get the picture.

The gay community need to get an important message across to the rest of society, especially to those that are complacent and / or conservative regarding their views on gay equality and marriage. Do we really want a man dressed as a woman being the public figure for this extremely important argument? I for one don't! I want a representative that is palatable to those who may question my relationship, who may have doubts that gay people can be in love, make a commitment and have a contributing role to play in society. What I certainly don't want people to be thinking is, "Is that a fella or a woman?", "Look at the state of yer man wearing a dress" or "oh I wonder where she got that little number from?".

I want a spokesperson who can relate to the mainstream. I want a spokesperson who can get the message across without the fact that they are wearing a dress or, if they they should be addressed as "he" or "she", distracting from the important and crucial points that need to be made. We need to build relationships with our neighbours, our detesters and our elected representatives not focus their minds on something else or alienate them further.

So the challenge here is for the LGBT community to get together and choose one or two figures who will represent our views, concerns and aspirations to the public, someone who will get the message across without any distractions? Who will unite us in our struggle for equality and who has the capability to identify with those who disagree with us.

Both Brenda and the LGBT community might learn some lessons from Harvey Milk "It takes no compromising to give people their rights. It takes no money to respect the individual."

We are not asking our fellow citizens to compromise but to give us absolute equality with them and when asking for this equality we need to respect the opinions of each individual within our democracy who may disagree with us. Responding to a newspaper column by calling someone a gee bag, slut or a whore promotes a lack of respect and understanding, something the gay community has been struggling for, for years.

*****

Definition

"A Gay" members of the gay community who see themselves at the top of the pecking order within their community and of which mere regular gays should aspire to become a member off. (Definition given to me by an "A gay")