Disturbing Dream.

I'm still in shock, I feel disturbed and I'm not sure when this feeling will leave me. I woke this morning trying to figure out if my dream was real or just a dream.

I dreamt a 13 year old girl I know went missing. The search parties were organised, the police informed. Initially her parents got sympathy from the press but then the press turned on them. Two years passed and nothing was heard from their daughter. It was such a mess until out of the blue her father got a call from his solicitor advising him that his daughter had been found dead in a local park. Police investigations intensified, the parents accused, until a neighbour admitted the killing. The murderer was a local women who held a grudge against the girl because she was always happy despite the face that she didn't have the most secure upbringing. The grudge turned into a jealous rage and Stacey was murdered.

When I woke from the dream the first thing I did was check my phone for messages in case something had happened, I even called my friend to tell her about the dream. I still feel disturbed and unsettled. Dreams can feel so real at times.

Ever Dream your Dreams?

The change in the air that I was talking about a few days ago is still here. Last night I dreamed that one of my dreams in life came true. It was an amazing feeling full of joy, happiness and a sense of achievement. I was only disappointed when I woke up and realised it wasn't real. I still feel great though. I believe my dream was a hint to get into gear and start making that dream a reality

Have you ever dreamed your dreams?

Get on yer bike! The Redundancy Cycle

I've been having really nice dreams this past few nights and have even woken up laughing. I feel a distinct change in the air, something is happening to me and I don't know what. My three week headache is gone and I've a new air of optimism about me. I started to wonder is there a redundancy cycle similar to the cycle of grief. I googled, there's not! Though looking at the grief cycle it pretty much is the redundancy cycle.

The 1st Stage: Shock and Denial, yep I was there. I was shocked and I denied. I was shocked at losing my job, not the fact that it happened, as the CEO ignored us for the best part of 6 weeks before hand (guilty conscience maybe?) Denial, I spent my last salary as if the next one was coming and didn't really thinking about being a little more frugal. Total Denial!

2nd Stage: Anger & Anxiety. Yep I was definitely there. Anger I was so fucking angry and when I think about how angry I was then, I'm getting angry now. Oh and the Anxiety, I'd say it manifested itself in the resulting three week headache I've just got rid off. I keep popping back to the 2nd stage every now and then though!

3rd Stage: Depression & Detachment, I don't think I was depressed but I was a little down. I placed so much faith in one person and felt let down. My energy levels have fallen and I fell a little overwhelmed at the prospect of not having a job since I was about 12 years old. So I've definitely reached this stage.

4th Stage: Dialogue and Bargaining, Telling my story, I did tell. I got fed up of people blaming the current economic climate for our redundancies. I made a conscience decision to tell the truth about what happened. I told other people in the sector, I told family, I told friends. I also got a lot of support from my fellow colleagues, we met had coffee and chatted about the situation. As for struggling to understand what happened. I didn't struggle, it's been very clear to me.

5th Stage: Acceptance, I think I'm there - Not sure what my new plan is but I'm working on it.

I've hit each of these stages but not all in the exact order, in fact I keep jumping back a few stages and then fast forward to the last one again. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I definitely believe that my psyche is changing, laughing in my dreams, that hasn't happened in months.

If you've just been made redundant, get on yer bike and pedal as fast as you can out of the redundancy cycle and let those laughing dreams come.